Controversy FAQ Interview Question 20

What if a participant doesn't want to participate?

It has happened at times. We will question the participant regarding what's up for them, and then we'll explore it. And usually, because our trainers are well-trained, they can at least reach an understanding as to why they don't want to participate. No matter what they tell us, if they so choose to after we have a discussion, they can sit out an exercise. That can be just as valuable because if they're still participating, that's just the way they've chosen to participate. We just leave them with questions about what's motivating them and what they're afraid of. Is what they're afraid of really going on or is that just a way for them to take themselves out of the discomfort of discovering what's there, because they think what's there is bad, evil, or going to hurt them? But if they choose not to, they can sit out of the exercises and not participate. Ultimately, in every training, for every person, it's their choice how they participate. That doesn't exclude the fact that we're still going to investigate and ask for the sake of reflection for them and for the room.

At times, in the Breakthrough Training, we've had people step out of an exercise and not want to participate. And we'll ask them, "Why is it that you're doing this? What's up? Is there something wrong? What's going on?" And they'll say, "Well, I really don't feel like I'm making much of a difference and it feels like people don't really care and that they're not really listening to what I have to say."
"Well would you like to check in and see?"
"I don't want to."
Then that comes to, "Well, then how will you ever know?"
"I won't unless I ask them."
"Would you like to ask and then you can still step out, but at least that way when you step out you'll know where people are?"
Inevitably they'll ask, and 90% of the time people will say, "No, we want you in." And that's all they wanted to hear. Then they participate. Or they'll say, "No I'm just too uncomfortable," and they'll sit down. People will be very supportive.

The thing that gets people nervous is that they've come there to investigate and to discover and to break through. We are trained and we work with our trainers to be willing to not ignore what people normally ignore. If somebody made a promise to be in the training, then they've implied that they're up for this kind of inquiry. They've given their agreement, and we're only acting on the permission that they gave us from the beginning. We're very clear from the beginning that if you're going to be there and you're going to create value, the key to creating value is participating and being in a learning stance. We're going to be fully committed to that, so if you do come, that's what we're up to. When people come, they've had pre-work on that context, and if they still choose not to participate, that's fine.

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